My family

Recently I had a discussion with a friend about the nature of Christian family. I think there's something really beautiful about the body of Christ being referred to as a family- the source of our first ideas and habits, where unconciously we learn how to act and react to our world. For those who are blessed with loving parents, honest sibings and the odd family pet it can be a place of encouragement, expression and growth into the person God wants you to be- yourself.

Unfortunately though, even in Christian circles, this model of family is marred by sin now more then ever. Some of us have never had the opportunity to know our biological mother or father for one reason or another, and for more of us perhaps it would've been easier if indeed that had been the case. Feuds between parents, grandparents, extended family and the like can affect not only our perception of relationships in general but our relationship with God. I don't think that we should underestimate how a lack of trust, lack of support, lack of generousity or lack of attention in our earthly relationships can affect the way we approach trust, support, generousity or attention from God. One of the hardest leaps we are called to make is to give as GOD gives, love as GOD loves, re-write the unhelpful conditioning of the world and see relationship in light of the gospel, as God created it to be.

I think too a challenge lies in seeing our earthly friends, acquaintances, elderly church members, visiting foreign students, ministers, sunday school students, biblestudy leaders and uni group members as BROTHERS and SISTERS, and relating to them accordingly. I know for myself, the challenge is to let people in, to share with them as closely as I do my family, and not to expect that just because we're not biologically related they won't go out of their way to help me, because that's what family do. Some other people have a problem going out of their way for other people. Some people have a problem communicating with people on an entirely different wave length to them...and the list goes on. I think sometimes our view of family can be jaded by large evening church congregations, or uni faculty Christian groups where getting to know people is relatively easy because of the amount that we can have in common. We can be lured into a false sense of understanding by operating in environments which in essence are very similar to our 'original' family- where many character traits, interests and activities are mutual. The struggle is treating like a grandmother that eldery woman from the 8am service whom you've only met once and are sure suffers from memory loss- of which both the awkward nature of the relationship as well as the lack of common grounding are ample reason for us to keep a distance- "besides, surely she gains support from someone more like herself?"

If we really want to body of Christ to look like a family it's going to take work to get it that way. Nearly two years ago when I joined my current church, I mentioned to a friend that I felt the congregation was quite diseparate and that I didn't have anything in common with the other girls there. She responded that relationships were mostly work, not common interest, and that indeed relationships where you were required to work could be richer then those that came more naturally. I appreciated her approach, and found it to be true.

Another helpful comment I use often is one from my old saxophone teacher- Fake it 'till you make it. The muso's out there will understand what I mean, basically if you aren't to the point where you feel you can be family or ask people to be your family, pretend that it is that way, and you'll be surprised at how soon the pretence becomes genuine. It is very hard to feel indifference towards someone you are trying very hard to love.

And again and again we are reminded of how God, while we were in sin, loved us first and continues to hold onto us wherever we go.