A Big Problem

My mum is not a very profound person. A trained bookeeper she is a what-you-see-is-what-you-get, everything in small neat, labelled boxes, accounted for and ready for use kind of person. My dad, on the other hand, is a concept machine. He loves testing the water, testing the boundaries, abstract thinking and seeing things from different points of view.

I've gotta admit, they make a pretty good team, and its fairly rare for them not to come up with decent advice. Earlier this year I received a pearl from my mother that came completely from left field- If all your problems are to do with money then you're not doing too bad. It struck a chord with me, of course she was right?! How many people in the world were in situations beyond the limitations of mastercard. People with terminal illness, broken families, serious addictions and mental illness, parents who'd lost children, victims of rape and sexual assault... there were many many worse things it seemed then debt.

My dad had a different take. Generous soul that he is, he told me I'd always be indebted to my parents and I should just get used to it. I'm guessing you can imagine which view was more readily accepted. But as the year winds on, I'm finding there to be more truth in the latter. Not because of the nature of debt itself- unfortunately time has shown that a large percentage of us will owe money to someone at some point in our lives. It's virtually unavoidable. The real problem is the the way we see this money.
Last year I was working partime, studying full time for the second half of the year, earning between 250 and 300 dollars a week. With 120 of that as rent a good 130-180 was my 'dispensable' income, that was food, transport, phone and extras. It was freaking tough, but I did it because my parents weren't Christian and I couldn't justify spending my time with God essentially at their expense. Admittadely God was exceptionally kind to me during this time, often I would receive tips from working at the restaurant that helped me pick up some slack.
For the first part of this year I worked full time earning 500 dollars a week, taking out about 170 a week for rents and bills that let 330 as my dispensable income. You've have thought with the extra 200 dollars a week I could've saved for something useful, and in many respects I did, funding the best part of my 21st and repaying some of the debt to my parents, as well as a setting 1200 aside for an insurance claim (my fault) and giving some to the church. But on the whole I enjoyed a period in my life when I didn't have to check the balance to see how much I could afford to spend on groceries.
I got used to security with my money. I found ways to enjoy it. This was not altogether a bad thing, but now, as I begin another semester at uni and face another period requiring discipline with my spending I am afraid and upset. I find it hard to rely on God's provision of grace and instead consider how I will repay the rest of the debt to my parents, my insurance registration in November, as well as go without comforts I have grown used to. True, if all our problems are money related we aren't doing too bad, but if all our fears are money related, if all our worries are money-related, if our decisions are determined by money ( and I am facing the decision of whether or not I can survive on 150 a week again!) then we aren't doing too good. In fact, we have a big problem, because it is harder for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle then for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.
When my father told me I was to be indebted to my parents for the rest of my life, I failed to recognise how 'indebted' I am constantly to my heavenly Father. I failed to realise that if I could 'get used to it' he longs to provide for me even more abundantly then my earthly dad. That mightn't always mean smooth sailing, it mightn't even always mean monetary provision, but I can never be separated from him, and he promises to work for the good of me, as a chosen daughter of his.
Better then that the debt that I owe to him has already been paid.